Wednesday, 26 August 2009

I'm in need of a new dream

I realised today that I haven't dreamed for a while now.

My dream use to be to work in radio for the BBC. Having done that, all be it as a writer rather than a presenter, and it not being to me what I thought it was I feel at a loss.

I wouldn't want to work for the BBC not anymore. For a variety of reasons I suppose, but mainly because they tell you what to write about and how to write it. There are so many legal obligations that any creativity is lost.

It is the same with the radio and television presenters, they are just channels for information.

Trained as a Fine Artist I made sound recordings, video and live performances. I know that I love music and playing my guitar gives me a lift, it is almost a sublime experience.

Today, I am also aware of my high expectations of myself. How I have driven myself to succeed in the past for fear of lots of things, rejection, face, loss in general.

I need to counter those expectations so that I live with less stress and more enjoyment. Having been duped by the mind into thinking that media is the place for me in the past, how do I know when a dream is from the heart rather than driven by the mind and it's foibles?

Maybe I will go out and buy a dream catcher!!!

So what is your dream? Does it come from the head or the heart?

6 comments:

Chief said...

I want to raise my kids to be healthy, normal benefits to society. I want them to be good husbands and fathers and I want to teach them to care for others but to also look out for themselves. Really, if I could accomplish all that, I would be happy.

Lazy Writer said...

I want to be published of course. The writing comes from the heart, but the idea of being published comes from the head.

Stephanie Faris said...

I went to school for journalism, then ended up working in PR for 7 years. I had what I thought was a dream job, writing and editing publications for the Tennessee Arts Commission. But I was miserable. I found when I did what I loved for a living it actually took a LOT out of me because I was so emotionally invested in what I was doing. An insult to my work for them was an insult to me personally...to something that was deep within me.

But through all of that, I grew as a writer. I write all the time now, blogging and novel-writing. Here's the thing, though -- when you begin being paid for it, some of the fun goes out of it for the very reasons you named. Maybe once we get paid for what we love to do, it isn't as much fun anymore? I don't know...

Wend's Place said...

Chief - great dream..do you actually dream it while you sleep?

Lazy writer - do you dream at night about seeing your name or your story in print?? Do you self publish?

Steph - yes I think you are right about being paid but if it is in your heart then you don't care about the criticism cos you just love it so much..or is that a wonky expectation?

Bloggin Betty said...

My dreams change with my mood. One day it's get my PhD and write the research paper to change the world, the next it is be a stay-at-home mom and never work again. I'm a schitzo.

Wend's Place said...

hahaha! I am the same one day I wanna be an astronaut the next a fisherman. I let my heart guide me now cos my head is screwed up lol and will take me any direction it fancies.